When I made the decision to step away from my business a couple of months back I honestly thought it was because I was in business for the wrong reasons.
Whilst I had been doing some digging internally and had discovered a set of beliefs that weren’t serving me, that wasn’t quite it.
Looking back, I realise it was to create space for something profoundly important that my family would experience.
My stepfather passed away exactly 5 weeks ago today.
From diagnosis to death, the time was short and the whirlwind hard to keep up with.
But the details don’t matter.
What does matter is the journey we mined together.
There is a quote by Osho that has always made sense to me. But it makes even more sense now;
“Sadness gives depth. Happiness gives height. Sadness gives roots. Happiness gives branches. Happiness is like a tree going into the sky, and sadness is like the roots going down into the womb of the earth. Both are needed, and the higher a tree goes, the deeper it goes, simultaneously. The bigger the tree, the bigger will be its roots. In fact, it is always in proportion. That’s its balance.”
Whilst witnessing the pain my stepfather was going through and the emotional anguish of my family, I believed this to be true.
Because in all the sadness, there was happiness.
Because in all the pain, there was joy.
Because in all the loss, there is so much to gain.
The more sadness we seemed to experience, the more happiness seemed to be amplified.
I mean, how beautiful is it that you’re able to hold your brothers whilst they weep for the man who became their most important and loved example of a father?
How beautiful is it to hold your mum whilst she weeps at the realisation that she might not grow old with her husband?
How beautiful is it to bear witness to the enduring love of your mum and her fella? The honest kind that goes far beyond any physical attraction and into the very depths of each other’s soul.
How beautiful is it that people who you may not have spoken to in a while are just there, understanding, helping, healing, no questions asked?
How beautiful is it that you get to hold the hand of someone who is just a little bit scared of what might come next (and so bloody annoyed at having to stay stagnant in bed)?
How beautiful is it that you had the foresight to say one last I love you, even though you thought you’d see them again? (No regrets.)
How beautiful is it that you are able to indulge in the memories of an extraordinary life passed?
Life is just one beautiful fucking mess and I’m so happy to be a part of it.
PS. I’m slowly making my way back here to you. Slowly.