I’m totally judging you

I’m totally judging you
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As I’ve gotten older and moved through what Katie Byron calls ‘the work’, the people and relationships in my life have become more and more meaningful and rich. It’s also meant that I’ve become more and more discerning about who is allowed in and who must go, pronto.

Discernment is not a word I take lightly. Like its cousin, decision, it’s the straight line between yes and no. And it has often eluded me in the past.

Discernment requires judgment and discrimination, an ability to see what is right in front of you.

But in the past I haven’t quite been able to see. I’ve allowed men to linger for longer then they should or ‘friends’ to depend on me more then is humanly possible.

That was actually my choice though, wasn’t it? I was just choosing to employ correct judgment too late.

The question that was always on my mind when I met someone new was not, “Is this person right for me and my life right now?”, it was always, “How can I prove myself to be worthy of this person’s life right now?”

Very, very distinct difference.

I was always valuing myself as less then others. I was always worried about them liking me. But what if I didn’t like them?

I always thought that the people who showed up were meant for me and that I should be grateful for them paying me attention. Turns out, that’s true, but I learned that I needed to make a decision on just how that was so. Saying no, it turns out, is one of the biggest lessons you can learn (and be grateful for).

Now I say no all over the shop.

And isn’t it so God damn empowering that you know that everyone is in your life because you allowed it?

Now onto the lessons that the new people I have chosen will teach me.

Who are you allowing into your life that you may not actually welcome?

Where can you close the gaps between heartache and peace?

With love


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  1. Hi Lynda,
    I love this article!! It’s exactly how I feel.

    In the past I thought I was selfish if I chose who came into my life and didn’t accept everyone who wandered through – “How can I prove myself to be worthy of this person’s life right now?” Boy was I wrong: some people are wandering and are not really on the same path as me. I’ve realised that to let them meander on their way is a positive action; they have something else to do. Accepting people who can contribute positively to my pathway is what I do these days. I have definitely become more discerning. It was probably all those bad judgments I made :D

    You’ve hit the nail on the head: “Is this person right for me and my life right now?” :)

    • So glad you like it Justin! Sounds like we were running similar stories around that. And yeah, we do need those bad judgments in order to become stellar. It’s kinda how it works, isn’t it? ;-)


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