All the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies – put your hands up!
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh…
Ok. I got a little carried away there.
BUT, this one’s for all the single gals, like me. Or guys for that matter. Single people in general.
Single people, have you ever been asked, “So, still single?”
Yeah?
Me too.
I love this question. I do. I especially love the still single part of it.
What I think this part of the question implies is that as a single person I have never actually been in a relationship with another before, at all, in my life. It implies that I have never been entangled in fierce passion, enjoyed the lust of the honeymoon period, waded through the weaning of the honeymoon period, experienced the realness of deep commitment, navigated the highs and lows of growth as individuals and as couples within coupledom or witnessed the trauma and tragedy that comes with being human of someone that I share deep love and connection with.
It also implies that there’s a big fat stop watch sitting somewhere near by tick tocking down some invisible counter that I’m not aware of!
My response to this question is always this; “I’m not still single. I’m single right now. I have been in intimate relationships before. I will be in intimate relationships again. For right now, I’m single.”
What I also love about this question is that it’s used as such a benchmark for success (which is related to my thoughts from Monday). People often use marriage and children as a measure for our success. It’s almost one of those tick boxes that we must pass through in this life in order to feel like we’ve really made it.
We’re so judged by nuclear, traditional expectations that we forget what’s really important in life.
To love and be loved.
We don’t have to meet this via an intimate relationship. You can be loved and be loving with yourself, your friends, your family, with the stranger on the street. This isn’t restricted to coupledom.
Do you want to be successful as a human being or be successful according to other human beings?
Of course I’m open to experiencing romantic love and commitment with a significant other. I look forward to that. What I’m not discounting is that, right now, I’m the significant other (with all the versions of me that there are!) and that my friends and family are significant enough.
With love
Lynda
PS. If you like what I have to say or think someone else could benefit from this humble little blurb, feel free to ‘like it’ or ‘share it’
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