Relationships. Probably out of the scope of this Corporate Hippie’s remit but I’m going to go there nonetheless.
I had a beautiful experience with someone across the end of last year and early this year and admittedly, I was finding it hard to let go.
Even after dating others, I constantly went back to thoughts of this person.
My heart and mind just wouldn’t give up.
I desperately wanted that good old-fashioned notion of closure and I really wasn’t quite sure how to get it.
So, what do you do in those situations? How is it that you come to a conclusion on something that “should” have left you long ago?
If you have access to the person, be vulnerable; this will be much to all of your girlfriend’s dismay, by the way. As women, the mantra “do not give him the satisfaction” is often bandied about. But is it ‘satisfying’ him or is it releasing you?
I did something completely out of character for me last week. I asked for help. I asked for help from the person in question. If you knew me, you’d know that I was ‘tough’. But in the last week, I’ve realised that’s not such an awesome trait to have. Being truthful about how ‘stuck’ I was and admitting defeat opened the doors to a conversation, which brought me such peace.
Bizarrely, the act of sending the email itself was 95% of the journey. Being that open, that honest and laying my little heart out there to say, “I need your help because I’m suffering,” provided a release because there was nowhere else to go after that. There was nothing else to hide behind.
Laying your soul bear can be freeing, I’ve discovered.
Disclaimer: asking for help does not mean repeated floggings or ear lashings of begging any which way you can find the person. It’s a one time, honest request.
But what if you can’t ask for help or you don’t have access to the person (or worse still, they deny you of the opportunity, which is entirely possible)?
Cut the chords; there’s a visualisation technique known as ‘cutting the chords’ that can prove to be amazing. I’ve done this in the past and it has, incredibly, diffused the emotion.
Here’s a quick run down on the process:
Allow yourself to sit still, quiet and calmly. Take a few deep breaths to enable this
Close your eyes and take time to imagine your are standing across from the person in question
Imagine that there is a chord that is connected from your heart to their heart
Say the things that you’ve been longing to say
Await to see if there’s a response. Allow that.
Now say, I love you and I forgive you
Now imagine they are saying the same to you, they love you and they forgive you (because there’s always something to forgive. It’s never a one-way street)
Now imagine that you are able to cut the chord connecting you and say whilst cutting, I love you and I release you
Try it and see.
(This works for all relationships, regardless of their nature.)
Finally, nurture yourself. You’re human. They’re human. We have two feet and we f*ck up on occasion.
Maybe my experience coupled with my background qualifies me to make these suggestions.
Maybe it doesn’t.
As always, take what you need and leave the rest.
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